Currently Reading Message in a Bottle By Nicholas Sparks see related

so...

it has been almost six months since i posted on xanga. granted that had a lot to do with the fact that i had pretty much no internet over the summer, but hey, no excuses right? haha... anywho. i just wanted to update on me.

i am no longer attending umhb. thats right, im no longer a crusader. (persay. i will always be a crusader at heart! :D)(cru crusaders cru cru crusaders what! uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuumhb!) hahaha... nothin like welcome week! anywho. i am now a texan. thats right, im going to tarleton. its pretty nice here. ive met some pretty amazing people. and i love them! haha... i miss my umhbers real bad, but i have to say that i dont know if i would have been truly happy if i had gone back.

nick moves to burleson after october... and im kinda sad bc i barely see him now, but i know he needs this. and being his best friend, i support the things he needs even if i dont want him to. that being said, after october i will be moving into a house with ashley, robert, and kaylynn! and in case you dont know, kaylynn is my goddaughter and ashley and robert are as you would have guessed, her parents and some really great friends of mine. im pretty excited about spending all the time i can with ashley robert and esp kaylynn. i want to be there to watch her grow up. i love her very much!

im taking 18 hours this semester, which also explains why i havent posted til now. bc on top of 18 hours, im also working between 30 and 40 hours a week. im exhausted! but its ok. i have bills to pay and i have to do what i have to do. and i get to see everyone in cleburne. :) i havent seen my mom in over a month and that makes me sad, but i know eventually i will be able to take a day off and go up to hurst and see her. i miss her and my brother. my next vacation will be to oklahoma. i miss my family a lot. i miss my sister real bad... and i wish i got to see her all the time, but i dont. i havent really talked to her in about a week. but thats ok. she has things on her plate that i dont and i have things i my plate that she doesnt. but we are growing closer as time goes by, even though we arent as close as we want to be.

amanda strickland, who is one of God's most amazing gifts to me, now lives in stephenville and i couldnt be happier! we are also growing close and hanging out all the time. i miss her like crazy when im working... tons and tons! haha...

that about sums it up... besides the fact that there is a cute guy in my spanish class... that i would definitely go see a movie with... or go out to eat with... or... well, lets not go there.

anywho. im gonna grab a quick bite before class. maybe ill post again soon! haha.. .

samantha

ugh...

screw this... im done. im tired of putting everything in and getting nothing in return. im tired of holding back and then finally letting go, just to be punched in the face. im tired of it all. just... stop! stop acting like you care! stop acting like i mean something! bc if i dont, and you keep pretending... all youre doing... is hurting me even more. and im tired of being hurt. im tired of being the only one putting in any effort. im tired of going out of my way and then... getting screwed over. screw this, im just tired of it all and im about to quit it all.

deuces...

ah!!!

*sigh* ok. so... tons has happened since the last time i posted. a new look on my xanga, but that changes with all the holidays! haha... AND! i have a new crush... but its a secret... so... anywho. ;) im so excited about this friday bc i get to see my favorite sister in the whole world and i get to see a bunch of my friends! its gonna be the greatest! :D ya! anywho. i just thought i would log on and leave some info of what is going on and change the holiday colors! woot! i love you guys!!! esp you kristen!!! :D ya!

Samantha- the head over heels one! :D

things...

so... things in my life are changing... and for once, im not really scared. i thought that if what has happened happened, i would be devastated... but im not. im actually ok. and im so happy for that! i feel that bc im not devastated, ive grown to be stronger than i thought i was. and now i have faith that i can stay strong and i can let go and live a little...

an old friend and i have been talking lately and i think its one of the best things that ever happened to me. i love him to pieces and when i really needed a friend, he was there. he is the one telling me that i shouldnt let a guy tell me how i should feel about myself bc there are other guys out there that see me completely different. there are guys out there that think im beautiful, amazing, talented, smart... and that i shouldnt let one guy's opinion ruin me. so i am starting to not care whether the guy that hurt me really thinks of me... ya, hes my best friend, but best friends dont act like he has, so he is working on his attitude. but him being my best friend will never change. he has a special place in my heart that no one can take. but there is room in my heart for others too... and i think my old friend i have been talking to is moving into my heart.

school is ok. i think i am ok to announce this now. im transferring next semester. i wont be at UMHB. i will miss it, but i cant be there anymore for multiple reasons. if you want to know whats going on, ask. im not going into details on here. (though it wouldnt be a first)

im finally starting to be happy with myself. that is my biggest step. im starting to love myself again. im doing what i need to do to be happy. and thats a big thing for me.. bc all my life i have been focused on everyone else's happiness and not my own first... and im still kinda like that, but i do try to make myself happy as well.

so that is what is going on in my life and i will TRY to update here more often. i love you guys.

Samantha- the... content one.

new look... new thoughts...

so i dont want to get too into my new thoughts because i dont know what to think about them right now... they are still just thoughts... not actions yet. the ppl closest to me know what these thoughts are...right now they are all who need to know. anywho. i hope everyone has or had a great day and know you are loved!

Samantha- the confused one...